No matter how one feels, the world goes on…Life imitates art and art imitates life. We have been sucked into the world of telenovelas, most of which have a happy ending. Of course, there’s the scriptwriter who could make all things possible, such as the untimely demise of the villain.
I sometimes thought heaven and earth will be moved in my favor. There are times that I expect too much, hoping that things would go as I have planned. There are moments that I have worked very hard in earning praises and accolades and even other people’s approval. But today, I realized that reality is totally different from soap-opera script. You might be able to make your own dialogues and actions, but things can’t happen the way you want to.
Most fictional plots would entail a happy ending, but in real life, there may not be any reconciliation after a separation, or a possibility that saying goodbye to a friendship means no chance to get together again. No matter how people would beautify life with poems and flowers and all that stuff, reality, unlike fantasy, has hardships, pain, fears and most of all, disappointments.
No, I’m not being pessimistic. I had been afraid in the past of getting into the dark side, but then today, I feel that I haven’t done good enough in the scoreboards of life, and I have been too idealistic not to realize that reality means survival of the fittest in this society—in my emotions, in the decisions that I have made.
Today, I have to learn that being strong physically, emotionally and spiritually is what people need to live in this jungle of life. I have to learn to be content with what the world has to offer and not ask for too much. I have to understand that each one of us has his or her own work to do and I have to stand on my own. I have to prepare myself for the crisis that may come, and for whatever fate that I will be meeting.
I will be my own main woman; I will no longer fool myself that the world is all rosy and like a bowl of cherries. Starting today, I will face reality bravely, practice in what I believe, standing up for myself and for the rights that I am fighting for. No matter how defeated I may feel or how overwhelmed I am by the tests of life, life must go on.
Her closest chums seemed to be fed up with her stories. But she’s been living under a veil of sadness—and grief. None of her friends know of her secret pain. “I don’t think I have the courage to share it with such familiar people, who could readily chastise me for being such a “martyr,” shares *Therese.
Five months have passed and it still pains her. She needs time—to heal, to move forward and to grow. “I guess with the healing process, I’ll also need to dispose my heart as well. I know that’s a nice way of venting my pain…”
“I have come to terms with the fact that our relationship shouldn’t have been as a couple but as plainly friends, “says Therese. The mere mention of her ex was enough to make her blood pressure rise. Therese swears she won’t fell in love—yet. “I’m moving on full-speed. I’m starting all over again, reinventing myself,” she adds. Therese had taken up where she has left off, starting on a clean slate, looks forward the future with a more positive attitude. “Being the father of my children, I admit my ex still means a lot to me but in a different way now.”
I will never comprehend up to now why *Orange left me for a woman five years older than he is. He really fell in love, I suppose, but did he have to lie about it? I’ve always thought that he could have at least enough care for me to say he did not love me anymore and he had fallen out of love—but I had to find out about it when I inadvertently took a look at his text messages.
Alone again, naturally. It’s not unusual for a person to be alone. After all, each one of us was born alone, right? But pain and injuries are part of playing a game. Even in the games called love and life, one must fall, cry and suffer a little in order to rise. Cry if you must, let it out. Crying is a sign of a strong character contrary to what we have been made to believe all our lives. It is a very human reaction.
There may be times when no matter how much we love someone and how much we want to be with that person, we can’t make that person spend as much time with us for reasons we can’t control and sometimes comprehend.
This so-called season of joy wouldn’t look like it for many who would be spending Christmas alone, wishing there would still be that special person they can share it with. Many of us would just be staring at a distance, watching happy couples pass by and regretting our own loss. Behind all the glitter and the celebration, some of us would sit in our dark and lonely rooms, crying over what could have beens. Unfortunately, this is reality for some people, it bites painfully, and leaving a scar only time can heal.
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them and move forward. Whether it be a painful memory, a broken relationship, someone who broke your heart or someone who passed away, we all have to move on. Dwelling on the past and seeking happiness in things you can never retrieve are not good and may be two of the worst things you could do to yourself.
It’s important to stop bawling and grieving over the past—that’s a good sign of moving on. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you deny or reject your past. Your past is still part of you and it makes you who you are. Part of letting go is simply accepting and admitting to yourself that the past is over—it is finished, done and complete. Realize that there’s nothing left for you to cling and hold on to except all those wonderful memories.
Reality check: The true essence of love is giving and just giving unselfishly. It does hurt because in giving up of one’s self, it creates a void in our hearts; that void will not be filled up yet until we’re able to find someone who will love us again and treat us well, the way that we deserved. Let us remember that when we are suffering in silence and bleeding emotionally, God will always find a way to our hearts to ease our pain and heal our wounds. We may be grieving over the loss of someone we love. But Christmas is all about HOPE; it is all about the better things to come. It is all about accepting what we have lost, believing we will find it again and with faith, know that we will be able to keep it FOREVER.
Relationships, I believe are work in progress and step-by-step process to a solid foundation of trust and blurry roadmap to the “land of promise.” It will eventually change though, and we all just have to accept that (It’s silly how I never practice what I preach.) However, there is still no better feeling than knowing that someone adores you and cares for you—an emotion which men fully understand but find hard to sustain.
Reading my past essays really helped me cope with my feelings of doubt and distrust in people I meet. I’m already cynical as it is, but that awful breaking up added more fuel to my already alienated character. The one good thing about this is that it turned me into a stronger and realistic person (yes, the good old days of illusion fantasies are over).
Good things don’t last forever no matter how we want to perpetuate the moment. And you know what, that’s the good thing about them—because maybe something better will come our way soon. Maybe even sooner than we think.
As for loving another after a hurtful relationship; it would always happen. The broken past will always stay behind because the new one will be the present and a hopeful future will never mend the broken one. You see, our hearts is like a new white linen. Every relationship or memory—joyful or hurtful, is like a patch sewn on the linen. Soon the heart will be a colorful quilt; with so many memories and heartache to cherish and remember from time to time.
*Names had been changed.
P.S. This blog entry was inspired by the recent event I’ve attended, “Happily Even After”—a forum on single moms.
