Wednesday, February 14, 2018

When you're turning 38 and still Single

It is Valentine's Day again and to be perfectly honest, in my last 37 years of existence, I've never been out on a date on Valentine's Day. Not that there's anything wrong with it, or I am making a big deal out of it, but I would have wanted to go out with someone on heart's day, if only there was somebody I could go out with. 

Actually, my response to my singleness has started to shift lately. As it is, I am now taking the bull by its horns. I think I am the problem. Nah, my standards with men aren't that high. I think one of the problems was I never even had a standard to begin with, that's why I always end up with jerks, abusers and users. 

Why is that so? Thing is, when you're single and older than 35, you don't want to be single anymore. I'd like to call that a problem, or the very least a challenge. And the best way to solve that 'problem' is to start with the things I can control. I need to set a standard in dating men but I had to be realistic with my options. 

I can see one common denominator throughout all my years of singleness: me. When I take stock of those years, I see someone who did the best she could, but, honestly, maybe I could do better now. I know there are things in my life that could be keeping me from marriage. What’s kept me from chasing my hopes of a future family with more intensity? Fear. Specifically, fear of two things: fear of failure and fear of looking desperate. What if I try really, really hard, but I still end up single? I’ll feel so stupid! And, what if people make fun of me for turning to dating apps or going out with that guy or for (insert thing here)? What if I look so desperate?

 A few years ago when I was looking to change jobs none of those fears applied. I was unhappy with the position I had, and I clearly remember thinking, If I end up back at this same job for the longest time, I will know that’s God’s will for me. It was a solid plan I had for my life. So why was that thought pattern not beneficial in my search for a spouse when it was successful for my searching a new job? 

At 37 I’ve decided I’m done with fear (well, at least in this area of life). God has placed the desire for marriage on my heart — I’m sure of that. Without idolizing marriage I’m going to do everything in my power to try and find the guy and build the relationship. 

I know my friends are praying for me that eventually I may find "the one" God has prepared for me. I'm praying for you too. I believe it's going to be worth the wait. Whether a future spouse appears in the next few months or years (I do hope soon), I'm going to be ready for you. 

I may not be exactly the perfect girlfriend or wife material that you've been dreaming for. But I will love you with all of my heart and soul and I will be perfectly honest with you, all the time. I promise I will be yours completely. 

And what have I got to lose? A few evenings or afternoons and maybe some cash, but I'm thinking that's not too big a sacrifice in order to pursue what you want and feel called to. 

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