How Does One Say Goodbye to Her Baby and accept that he has grown-up?

The author and her nephew Kyle Madrid when he's still a toddler.

I could still recall his boisterous laughter each time I tickle him. He’s such a cute and cuddly toddler with bright eyes, chubby cheeks and naughty smile. Oh, those were the days. I can’t believe he’s now in Grade five and will be turning ten years old by September. He was just around 8 months when I had him.

Cute and angelic Kyle Madrid as a toddler.

Geez, how time flies! I used to cradle him in my arms as I sing lullaby…We used to watch Barney DVDs together and sing his favorite songs. We used to play peek-a-boo and how he got frustrated in trying how to read his books. He didn’t cry during his first day in school and I was such a proud Mom. But I cried when he participated in a production number on stage at school and when he received recognition for the many awards he had amassed from both academics and the art competition.

I saw how he felt disappointed each time he losses in art contests or each time he cannot seem to understand his lessons in school. I was his only witness.

I almost lost him twice after he’s had two consecutive vehicular accidents in one year (2011). And I really felt bad for not being there for him during those times. God knows how much pain it had given me and am really thankful and blessed that I’m given another chance to make it up to you.

 

Kyle Madrid, at age 9 going on 10.

Sometimes I get hurt because you seem not to be listening to me, or that you take me for granted because you were busy doing other things. But my eyes light up each time you hold my hand or talk to me about things I never even know you’ll think about. I love that you know how to handle things on your own, without relying on me as well as I love those times that you ask my own opinion.

In the next couple of years, I am preparing myself—I know you’ll be more into other things. Perhaps I may not even be a part of it. But I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I may not be your biological mom, you may not even see or get to know who your real Dad is in your entire lifetime, but you will always have ME. I may not be enough, but I am all yours my dear Kyle. You, your grandma and I—we are family. 

I may never accept the fact that you’ve grown up and that you’ll soon become a teenager. For in my eyes, you will always be the baby that I had in my arms. I will try my best to let you go and spread your own wings, but Atching (his petname for me), will never leave your side. I’ll be here every step of the way, guiding you to the right path. Making sure that you will never go astray and that in everything you do, you will give glory to God. 

ADHD is a GIft

Kyle trying to walk using his crutches.

Kyle’s recent accident wasn’t the first time his life was put on a string. His life was threatened the first time when he was just about four to six months old. A cousin (father side, then on his teens) was so jealous of him that he put a rubbing alcohol on Kyle’s bottled milk. We’d like to believe his guardian angels saved him because young as he was, he’d turn down the bottle each time that milk would be offered to him. Perhaps, it was his olfactory nerves that we should thank for. Perhaps Kyle had smelled the rubbing alcohol as a baby and knew that particular milk would not be good for him because of the strong smell. 

I didn’t know how he was saved at that time, all I knew was that I had taken care of him before he turned a year old for fear that Kyle’s life would once again be put in danger. He had long forgiven that Uncle (remember he’s our cousin) and they’re even friends now on Facebook.

I recently read that people with ADHD are accident-prone. I didn’t know this until my recent read. After what happened to his tricycle accident and his near-death experience of hitting an Isuzu car almost a month ago, I knew I had to watch Kyle more carefully.

Just being with Kyle makes me smile. He invariably had something special in him—a spark, a delightful quirk—which he’d sometimes try to hide, but which I usually can find. Then he’d relax, brighten up, and make me laugh and learn. Indeed, I think that people dealing with Attention deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and fulfilling of all the people I meet.

People would often ask me, what’s hard in raising a child who has ADHD? The answer to the question “How many times do I have to tell you?” is about two thousand. Kids with ADHD are popular among their peers because they’re often the topic among teachers and parents alike. They would ask, “What are we going to do with___ (insert the child’s name)? They’ve been often subjected to a number of issues involving in school behaviors and often “labeled” by insensitive and sometimes harsh people of the society. 

With all the negative traits I’ve written, it’s easy to say that having an ADHD is a curse. To be honest, I used to think the same thing myself. I didn’t know much about the advantages (Yup, you’re reading this right, Mommy!) of ADHD until I came across this book I’ve recently read called Super-Parenting for ADD (An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child) by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and peter S. Jensen, M.D.

So, what are the advantages of having an ADHD or ADD child? Energy. Curiosity. Creativity. They’d easily forgive. People with ADHD can’t remember a grudge long enough to hold one. Kyle immediately forgave Jamie after seeing her at the hospital the day she visited him. Kids with ADHD are often big-hearted and generous. They also have a tendency to be highly sensitive, plus a tendency to surprise people with sudden unexpected insights.

Kyle’s highly imaginative and has a real knack for thinking outside the box and being artistic in so many ways. He’s special, sometimes his zany sense of humor drives me crazy, alright, but it is also cute.  He’s got a special quality that draws people in, a kind of charisma even.

When he went back to school last week, he received a very warm welcome from his classmates and other third graders, two girls even wrote “Welcome Back Kyle, Love Teachers and Classmates” on the black board, bringing tears into my eyes. The boys seemed to be happy that he’s back, giving him high-fives as well.

Each time I look at his baby book, I couldn’t imagine how fast Kyle had grown into a fine young lad. Besides enjoying making people laugh at his jokes and playing pranks on people, he’s still the same old kid I know. Nothing much has changed in him and I will savor every moment of these remaining months or years that he sees himself as a child. With his third lease on life, I will forever be grateful that he’s still alive and kicking. 

The Day We Almost Lost Kyle

January 26, 2011 1:45PM

I had decided to take a nap after lunch that day.  An hour later I found myself waking up and I realized Kyle hasn’t been home yet. I looked at the clock…2PM. Kyle should be home by now since his class dismissal time is at 1:15PM.  Whatever happened to him, I wondered. A few minutes later, there was a knock on our gate.  Then, I heard my mom’s voice screamed from downstairs, “Hurry up, something happened to Kyle.”

I immediately went down to help assist Kyle. And then I saw him—all pale with bruises on his head and left hand, wounds on his left elbow and the bridge of his nose with a mix of sweat, blood and tears flowing on his face. He was accompanied by a thirty-something man (who turned-out to be the culprit, the tricycle driver who hit him) and a girl passenger with a pc on hand.

We couldn’t just let it all pass—I asked Kyle if there’s something that hurts. He said there was a throb on his head, hurting really bad. My Aunt Nelly asked for the man’s name, his tricycle’s body number (yellow Hi-Top bound #36) as well as his contact details. The guy even pleaded not to bring the incident to the baranggay (local government unit)—and that he’s willing to assist if there’s anything we need. 

After Kyle had finished eating his lunch, we asked him again if his head still hurts. He nodded. We had all agreed to have him examined at the hospital. I texted the man named Erwin, I told him we better be sure that Kyle’s fine and that there’s no need for us to worry.  My aunt Nelly called him and asked him to help us bring Kyle to the hospital for further medical examination. Erwin agreed, but explained that he needs to borrow money first so we had to give him a little more time. Although we did not report the said incident to the baranggay, someone must have seen what happened and we later found out that one of our kagawad (councilor) Budang, knocked on our house and extended a few help in taking Kyle to the hospital.

When Kyle got to the hospital he was given tetanus toxoid vaccine right away, they also gave first aid to his wounds before they’ve screened him for necessary X-rays such as the elbows and nose. It was such a good thing that everything turned out okay. Indeed, Kyle’s guardian angel must’ve saved him and spared his life.

It was a day of lessons for us all: For Kyle, to be extra careful and examine both sides of the street before crossing (Never to run again), for us, to fetch Kyle to school—it’s best to be safe than sorry.

According to Kyle this near-death experience had taught him about life, , that any given moment you could lose your life or that of your loved one. While at the emergency room, Kyle saw all the different kinds of patients and he saw a young boy about his age whose mouth they had to stitch because it didn’t stop from bleeding.  “The boy was crying so bad, it probably hurts so much,” says Kyle.  “I was afraid of my own injection but I figured, his case was much more painful than mine. I prayed to God to keep that boy safe,” he relates.

We almost lost Kyle that day. And we keep thanking God he’s still with us at this very moment.  No matter how annoying he could sometimes be, we still love him for beyond that lies a kind-hearted child longing for a love he could never have. 

And to you who was supposedly beside Kyle during that time he needed you the most, thank you for simply texting us to know how he’s doing.  At least, it had shown that you somehow cared for him.  I hope it’s not too late for you to show him your love. He’s given another life, you should shower him with all the love you’re supposed to give him. You know who you are, I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to mention you here. I know you might not be bale to read this, but for those who know you, please make her realize how irresponsible she could be. She’s the only one he’s got, and yet where is she? He’s beginning to think he’s not from you, and although WE SAID HE’S REALLY YOUR FAMILY, he felt otherwise.  PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST to make up to him. Kyle really felt bad that you were not around and you didn’t make any effort to call. 

Kyle with his fave cartoon hero, Spiderman.

I thank everyone who sent in their prayers and help, Special thanks to Ate Nelly, and Kyle’s class adviser, Teacher Gregoria Ruste.