Saturday, October 17, 2020

My 40th birthday blessings and other musings in 2020


So this is how being forty feels like... With four decades of existence on Earth, I have learned that I have so much to be thankful for. My life journey wasn’t exactly easy, but it was worth every risk, every decision that I made has made me into who I am today.

If you happen to know me personally, you must know that I had been living my life as a single for the past decades. I dated quite late (I started dating at age 35 you know) simply because I had forgotten my desire to get married. Back then, I was so focused on raising my nephew Kyle whom I treated like my own son—I didn’t have the luxury of time to do anything else. Now that Kyle has grown into a fine young man (He’s now 18 years old) and an incoming freshman in college, I guess it’s time to face my own life no matter how overdue it may be.

This year, as I turn 40, I am making a lot of milestones: I am making a new decade, this will be my last year as a single (hopefully, God-willing) and thank God I have already met the man I wanted to marry and live with for the rest of my life.

They say 40 is the new 30. At this age, I fully understand that there are some things that we can’t just plan. Life is a series of surprises and plot twists. We receive blessings each and every single day. It’s all a matter of perspective. Even something negative can be turned into a positive one—it depends on how you perceive things. If you let it affect you negatively, then it will be your loss. But when you look at it differently—try to see the goodness in everything that comes your way, it will eventually change the way you look at things, and ultimately, change your life. You’d soon notice that you’d become happier, more relaxed, and practically be a more positive person.

I’m not saying that at my age I’ve become a very positive person. I am still a work-in-progress, there’s still a lot more room for improvement. However, I am trying my best each day to be a better person. It’s a bit difficult, to be completely honest about it, but we’re getting there. As they say, you don’t really need to see the entire staircase, you just need to take one step at a time.

So many unsavory things have happened in my past. I lost my self-worth, I lost my self-drive, self-love, and confidence. I’ve met a lot of people who shouldn’t be in my life but for some reason (which I understand now) I had to cross paths with because I needed to learn life lessons from them. I’ve met narcissists, psychopaths, user-friendly, professional hustler, sexual addict, name it—most likely, I was able to encounter them at least once in the past year. Back then, I couldn’t understand why I had become drawn to these types of people. I consider myself friendly in my own way but once you get to know me better, you’d know what an empath I am. 

In the next two months, we’ll be saying goodbye to 2020. It’s such a memorable year for everyone. It has brought us closer together. It had changed the way we used to live because of the Covid-19 virus and has affected us all because of this pandemic. We lost loved ones along the way, others have lost their jobs too. I also lost my first pet and my fur baby Fudge in October of 2020 from parvovirus.

Despite such a series of unfortunate events, I’d still treasure this year. I’d be saying goodbye to singlehood before the year ends. Things may be bleak for now and there have been a lot of uncertainties. As I welcome this new chapter in my life, I knew there would be a lot of changes, there would be adjustments as well as problems coming in—but knowing fully well that I no longer need to face all of these alone meant a lot to me. 

2020 has taught me a lot of things: To become more responsible—learn to push my boundaries, to go out from my comfort zone, and that it’s perfectly fine to fail. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter if you make mistakes because everyone does, what counts the most is the number of times you try to assess your mistakes and learn from them. Chin up, get up from that fall and not to be afraid to try again.

Life is a series of miracles and surprises. You just have to seek the gift specifically made for you each and every day. This is why today is always called “present.” It’s up to you to decide to open and accept the gift that each day brings. 

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