It was that easy. I had seen him again after more than eight years and I had finally met his wife. He seemed happier now than he ever was, and I could honestly say I am happy for him. But somehow, I don’t understand why I had this strange feeling of envy. I had spent the last decade all by myself, not seriously thinking if I’d actually consider becoming an old maid soon or whatever. I had had my focus on raising Kyle and helping my Mom, that thinking about my future was the least priority of all. Until this incident came…
I was extremely hurt the last time I fell in love. It was I who called it quits, but it was a decision I had to do because I wanted to prevent people from getting hurt, especially the ones I loved. It was like choosing to save my family over the relationship I had with my ex. No matter how painful, I knew I had made the right decision when I did that. Things did not come easily for me though. I had lost my identity, my sense of self, of what things really meant to me. I had lost my interest in life and lost focus on achieving personal goals as well.
Don’t get me wrong though, I do not say that I am still in love with my ex. I honestly don’t think so. But I do envy him because he’s got a family of his own now. He’s got someone that takes care of him and that pretty much makes him happy. Okay, I’ve got Kyle and Mommy in my life. But as human, I’d like to believe I need to be loved as well. I’ve been praying for that someone to come into my life. And I hope that when he does, my entire family would be embracing him with both hands. I’m not getting any younger, but I still believe in serendipity. Time starts zipping by, if I’m meant to be single all my life, then maybe I’d just have to accept it whole heartedly. But I won’t stop praying and discerning, that somewhere somehow, there’s someone who’s going to be the answer to my prayers.
And to my ex, I hope you and your wife will finally have a child of your own. I’m wishing you both happiness and contentment. Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally and learning how to forgive and truly forget. Please do pray for me that I may finally found my place under the sun. God bless!